Spark
When you find the person you love, instinctively, you want to be the best partner you can possibly be—just to see a smile on your loved one’s face.
If that journey has led you to try and learn how to be a better boyfriend, whether because you haven’t been recently or not, we’re here to help you.
When it comes to being a good partner, we tend to gender our responses, tailoring the specifics of what it means to be a good girlfriend vs what it means to be a good boyfriend. While we believe that the fundamentals remain the same, looking at it with a gendered lens can actually help us, as emphasized by a relationship expert.
“Acknowledging gender is incredibly important when it comes to improving relationship dynamics. Men and women are socialized differently, which leads to significant differences in behavior in adult relationships,” says Laura Caruso, licensed therapist and relationship expert.
“Even further, people who don’t identify with the male/female labels may have been socialized in a way they don’t (or never) resonate(d) with, which also impacts adult behavior. Regardless of identity, it’s important to acknowledge self-limiting patterns that result from socialization—doing so will greatly improve your relationship.”
No matter your sexual or gender orientation, we hope that our tips can help you become the best partner in your relationship that you can possibly be—with the help of our expert guide.
Many things go into being a great boyfriend, but they may not be what you think.
Pop culture might convince you that being the perfect boyfriend goes hand in hand with huge bouquets of flowers, love letters, and show-stopping displays of affection. However, in actuality, it’s much simpler than that—with the best boyfriends aware that happiness is truly located in the little things.
“Whether you’re deep into a committed relationship or just testing the waters in the dating pool, the underlying qualities that lead to a strong partnership remain the same: consistency, attention, and respect,” says Caruso.
“Being a great boyfriend isn’t about grand gestures or bold promises—it’s the small and consistent actions that contribute to a healthy, loving, and sustainable relationship.”
If our model subjects were told to write a manual on ‘how to be a good boyfriend’, it all centers around meeting your partner’s needs, being a good listener, cheering them up when they’re having a bad day—consistently making an effort to make their partner feel loved and understood.
These are all qualities of a good boyfriend, with small gestures and acts of kindness depending on the individual relationship.
Everyone has different expectations of what they want from a relationship, depending on their needs and the kind of future they’re hoping for.
Beyond the desire for the bad boyfriend stereotype, most people want to find a good partner who they enjoy spending time with, who they can rely on, and who they can imagine themselves with long-term. There are a million additional extras that we all look for, whether that’s ‘tall, dark, and handsome’ or someone who can make you laugh—but the basics remain the same.
Some non-negotiables from a boyfriend include someone respectful, kind, funny, who shares your values, a good communicator, and ideally, someone who makes you want to be a better person yourself. These are the hallmarks of any great relationship and are not things to be compromised on.
